Dealing with Toxic People: Social Impact, Culture and Change Needed
A 60-minute session on how we deal with hurtful people together, not just one by one: the boss everyone tolerates, the elder nobody corrects, the new bride told to adjust, the family secret nobody tells, the video everyone shares. Does our silence keep the peace, or keep the bad behaviour going? And what would actually have to change? Twelve independent cards; open three or four.
The opening question
When you see someone being rude to a waiter, a junior or a stranger, which is more you: say something, give them a look, or pretend you didn't see?
Everyone in the room answers this in one line before any card is opened. Write the answers down; you will come back to them.
The cards
12 ways into the topic
Each card is independent. Your group votes on which to open, and four or five is plenty for an hour. Behind every card sit three prompts, one at a time, that only appear once it is opened on the board. Unopened cards keep for next time.
- 1
The Boss Everyone Tolerates
You were warned about him in your first week. He shouts, he mocks juniors, people cry after his meetings.
- 2
Watching Someone Get Mistreated
At a family dinner, an uncle snaps at his wife in front of everyone. She laughs it off. Everyone goes back to eating. So do you.
- 3
Being Told To Adjust
You've just got married. Life in your in-laws' house is hard. You call your mother in tears, and she says gently, “Every girl has to adjust a little.”
- 4
Keeping Family Problems Private
Something is wrong in your house. There's shouting, maybe worse. But the family rule is clear: nobody outside must ever know.
- 5
Elders Who Behave Badly
Your grandfather says something cruel at lunch. You open your mouth to answer, and your mother kicks you under the table. “He's old. Let it go.”
- 6
Strict Parents And Teachers
Your father was strict. A teacher once hit you with a ruler. Today people would call that abuse. Some of your friends say it made them who they are.
- 7
The Family WhatsApp Group
Your uncle forwards something nasty or untrue to the family group, again. Twenty relatives send a thumbs-up. You type a reply, then delete it.
- 8
Shaming Rude People Online
A man screams at a delivery boy. Someone films it. By evening, you and a million other people have watched it and know his name.
- 9
When Your Child Is Bullied
Your child comes home quiet. A boy at school keeps pushing him and taking his things. He looks at you and asks what he should do.
- 10
Help That Comes With Strings
An uncle paid your college fees years ago. Now he has opinions on your job, your marriage and your money, and everyone says you owe him.
- 11
Can Toxic People Change?
Someone who hurt you badly comes back years later. They say they've changed. They do seem calmer. They want another chance.
- 12
Why We're Too Sensitive Now
Your boss is strict and blunt. Your younger colleague calls him toxic. Your father says, “In my day, we just called that a boss.”
The line to leave with
Which bad behaviour around you is still going on simply because everyone, including you, is waiting for someone else to say something first?
More boards,more ways in.
Every discussion we have run has a board behind it. Browse them by topic.