Why Do We Attract Toxic People? Understanding Emotional Patterns and Boundaries
A 60-minute session on the people who keep hurting us and why we keep letting them in: the same type of partner again and again, the friend who only calls for favours, the boss we can't afford to leave, the parents and relatives we can't say no to. Is “toxic” a warning sign or an easy label, and are boundaries self-respect or a nicer word for control? Twelve independent cards; open three or four.
The opening question
When someone crosses a line with you, which is more you: telling them straight, going quiet, or complaining to someone else later?
Everyone in the room answers this in one line before any card is opened. Write the answers down; you will come back to them.
The cards
12 ways into the topic
Each card is independent. Your group votes on which to open, and four or five is plenty for an hour. Behind every card sit three prompts, one at a time, that only appear once it is opened on the board. Unopened cards keep for next time.
- 1
Calling Someone Toxic
Your friend tells you about a fight with her sister. Before she has even finished, you say, “She sounds toxic.” Everyone nods. Case closed.
- 2
Attracting The Same Type
Your last three partners, or friends, or bosses, were somehow the same person with different faces. Your friends have started to notice. So have you.
- 3
Bored By Nice People
Someone kind likes you. They reply on time, remember your mother's name, and never play games. And you feel... nothing.
- 4
Trying To Fix People
Your friend is always drawn to people who are a bit broken. She says, “They just need someone to believe in them.” She's been saying it for years.
- 5
Ignoring The Red Flags
Your friends saw it in the first week. Your mother saw it in one meeting. Honestly, you saw it too. You stayed anyway.
- 6
Saying No To Parents
Your parents want you home every weekend. Or in that job. Or meeting one more “suitable” match. You're a grown adult.
- 7
Nosy Questions From Relatives
You walk into a family wedding. Within five minutes, an aunty has asked about your weight, your salary and when you're getting married.
- 8
Cutting People Off
A friend forgot your birthday. Again. Your feed is full of people saying, “Protect your peace.
- 9
One-Sided Friendships
You always call first. You remember their birthday, their exams, their mother's surgery. They only message when they need a favour.
- 10
When You Were The Toxic One
Everyone has a story about a toxic ex, boss or friend. Somewhere out there, someone is telling a story about you.
- 11
Staying In A Toxic Job
Your boss shouts in meetings and messages at midnight. You dread Sunday evenings.
- 12
When Boundaries Become Control
Your partner says, “My boundary is that you don't go out with your friends without me.” It's said calmly, in the language of self-care.
The line to leave with
Of the people you find hardest to be around, which ones are actually hurting you, and which ones just remind you of something you haven't dealt with yet?
More boards,more ways in.
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