Why We Hold Back: The Quiet Self-Censorship
A 60-minute session on the things we stop ourselves from saying: in the family group, at the dinner table, to friends, to the people we love. Is holding back respect and good sense, or a habit that slowly costs us our voice? Twelve independent cards; open three or four.
The opening question
When you hold back from saying something, which is usually more true for you: you don't want a fight, you don't want to look silly, or you don't want to hurt someone?
Everyone in the room answers this in one line before any card is opened. Write the answers down; you will come back to them.
The cards
12 ways into the topic
Each card is independent. Your group votes on which to open, and four or five is plenty for an hour. Behind every card sit three prompts, one at a time, that only appear once it is opened on the board. Unopened cards keep for next time.
- 1
The Family WhatsApp Group
Your uncle forwards something in the family group that you know is false, or just nasty. Everyone else sends a thumbs-up.
- 2
Talking Back To Elders
An older relative says something you think is completely wrong. You know the answer.
- 3
Laughing Along At Bad Jokes
At a family dinner, someone makes a joke about women, or a caste, or a community. The table laughs. You give a small smile and look at your plate.
- 4
Telling A Friend Hard Truths
Your best friend is with someone you can't stand. Everyone in the group thinks the same. Nobody has said a word to her.
- 5
Saying I'm Fine
Something has upset you. Your partner or your mother asks, “What happened?” You say, “Nothing, I'm fine.” You are not fine.
- 6
Asking A Silly Question
The teacher asks, “Any questions?” You have one. But nobody else has a hand up, so you stay quiet and hope someone else asks.
- 7
Saying I Love You
Your father drives two hours to drop you at the station. He checks your ticket twice. He says, “Call when you reach.” He has never said “I love you.”
- 8
Posting Your Opinions Online
Something in the news makes you angry. You write a long post about it. Then you think about your boss, your relatives, and strangers in the comments.
- 9
Being Told To Adjust
Before the wedding, an aunt takes the bride aside. “Don't argue. Just adjust. That's how a home runs.” Nobody gives the groom this talk.
- 10
Why Silence Is Often Wiser
Your friend is upset and you have strong views on what she should do. You bite your tongue and just listen.
- 11
Saying Anything Is Fine
Your friends are choosing where to eat. Everyone says, “Anything is fine.” You end up at a place none of you actually wanted.
- 12
The Only One Who Disagrees
Everyone in your group loves the new film. Or the new restaurant. Or the big plan. You don't.
The line to leave with
Of the things you held back this week, which silence was protecting someone else, and which was only protecting you?
More boards,more ways in.
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